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Just Brent and His Shadow/Transcript
Wanda Dollard: Hey, Emma, sorry to hear about your friends Tom and Barb. Brent Leroy: Tom and Barb died? Oh, man, and just after the divorce, too. Wanda: I was talking about the divorce. Emma Leroy: Well, Barb said it was constant bickering that finally got to her. Oscar Leroy: They never bickered. Tom always paid full price. Brent: That's dickering. Oscar: I thought that was bickering. Brent: Dickering. Wanda: Now you're bickering about dickering. Oscar: I'm just saying they never bickered. Emma: A minute ago you didn't know what that was. Oscar: Typical. Side with the dickerer. Emma: Bickerer. Oscar: I'm waiting in the car. Wanda: On the other hand, divorce can be good for some couples. Emma: Do you think they bickered as much as us? Brent: What, do you guys bicker? Hank Yarbo: Lacey. Don't look now, but there's a teenager walkin' around in your kitchen. Lacey Burrows: Oh. That's Pam, my job shadow. Hank: Oh. That's great. Blink twice if you're in danger. Brent: What do you mean shadow? Because she's shady? Does she know what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Lacey: Men have hearts? Hank: You've blinked like 13 times. I don't know what that means. Lacey: Hank, Pam is from the high school. Sometimes career training early in life can really help people out in their adult years. Hank: I concur. Lacey: Anyway, she's a big help. It is not easy running your own business. Brent: That's true. I mean I manage, without resorting to child labour. Lacey: Excuse me. The high school called me. Why did you turn them down? Brent: Well, I just, I figured it would be more of a hassle than anything. Hank: Plus they didn't ask him. Brent: Plus they didn't ask me. But, I'm sure it's because they realized I don't need any help. Hank: Oh, Pump 2's broken, so I put my own "Out of Order" sign on it. Figured you wouldn't get to it. Lacey: I concur. Hank: It's perfectly good. I can't believe you're givin' it away. Kid: I'm not. It's three bucks. Hank: Holy rip off. What else ya got? Kid: A driftwood soap dish for a buck. Hank: Hmm, cool. Geez, you can't even tell it's made out of soap. Hey, uh, how much is that? Kid: It's nothing if you just leave now. Oscar: Didn't ya talk to him enough when he was a kid? Come on, it's lunch. Quit wastin' time. Emma: I'll be right there, honey. Brent: Honey? Geez, come in out of the sun. It's makin' you say crazy things. Emma: Well, we're always snapping at each other. I'm trying to be nicer to him. Brent: Well, that's admirable. It's foolhardy and fraught with pitfalls and peril, but it's admirable. Emma: I just don't want our marriage to become...out of ord? Brent: Oh, Hank wrote that. Emma: Really? I'm impressed. A lot of those letters are from the alphabet. Why is Hank doing your signs? Brent: Just trying to help him reach his lack of potential. Emma: Well, you should get a job shadow like Lacey's, help get your gas station in ord. Brent: I don't know if it's worth it. Emma: Maybe not. Probably a waste of time. Brent: Exactly. I don't need that. Emma: No, I meant for the kid. Brent: Ouch. Emma: Well, I didn't say I was going to be nicer to you. Lacey: You know, I've got pots. You don't have to bring your own. Hank: No, I scored this at a garage sale. Check it out. It even comes with its own little stove. Lacey: Oh. I think it's a fondue pot. Hank: Oh, yeah. I don't know what brand it is. Karen: No, it's used for fondue. Hank: What's a fondue? Lacey: Melted sauce. Hank: Oh. I thought it was French for somethin'. Karen: It is, melted sauce, i.e. fondue. Davis: Ooo, I eat fondue. Karen: Not "I eat," "i.e." it's Latin. Hank: I thought you said it was French. Karen: Fondue is French. Wade: Did someone say fondue? Lacey: Just about everyone has. Pam: I didn't say it. Hank: What? Pam: Fondue. Karen: Okay, that's everybody. Davis: I love fondue. Hank: And apparently you can melt it. Emma: Here. Oscar: What's this? Emma: A drink. Oscar: Oh, I get it. You're mad 'cause I didn't get you a drink, so you got me one to stick it in my face. Emma: Oh, just relax. You seem a little tense. Oscar: Well, of course I'm tense. Lurkin' behind me tellin' me to relax. Emma: You know, I was thinking it might be fun to go for a walk this afternoon. Oscar: Sure. Knock yourself out. Emma: Uh, no, I meant together. Oscar: I don't know. Let me think about it. Emma: Where are you going? Oscar: For a walk. I need to think about it. Karen: You know, if you ever want to try fondue, I've got a great recipe. But we need kirsch. Hank: Who's Kirsch? Karen: It's brandy. Hank: Brandy Kirsch? Do I know her? Lacey: I've got Kirsch. Karen: Why? Lacey: Oh, it was one of those lame secret Santa gifts from last year. Lacey: I'm your Secret Santa. Here's your gift. Brent: Kirsch? Mm-hmm. Geez, I'm not much of a brandy guy. Here, you keep it. Hank: Well, let's do this fondue thing with kirsch. Fitzy Fitzgerald: Someone say fondue? Wade: Did someone say kirsch? Brent: Hey, Davis. Workin' hard or hardly workin'? That's just a little jokin' around. Makes the customer feel at home. It's a bit of a skill that I have, that you could maybe develop, with some practice. Davis: What do you mean hardly workin'? That's mean. Brent: Oh. Um, uh, Davis, this is Kyle. He's my job shadow from the high school. Davis: I get it. Teach a kid that if he doesn't work hard in school he could wind up workin' in a place like this. Brent: Ah, it's not exactly the idea. But the high school principal called. What could I do? She used the word desperate. Wanda: That was the principal from the high school. Brent: Oh, yeah? Wanda: Yeah, she said if she could find a kid desperate enough, she'd send one over. She also said she was desperate for you to stop calling. She said you sounded desperate. Lacey: Hey, Emma. Just headin' over to Karen's for fondue. You wanna come? Emma: Pass. I'm going to spend a quiet afternoon at home with Oscar. Lacey: Oh, I'm sorry. Emma: Oh, that's okay. I'm trying to be nicer to him. Lacey: Oh, good for you. I mean, that's an uphill battle with very little chance of success. But, uh, good for you. Emma: Well, I didn't expect much either. But he seems to be coming around. Oscar: Emma's losin' it. Fluffing pillows, giving me drinks. Wanda: Heartless hag. Oscar: This morning she wanted to go for a walk. Honest to God, a walk. Wanda: With you? That is weird. Oscar: What do you mean? Oh. I get it. You're sayin' someone wouldn't wanna walk with me. That's funny. Wanda: Well, thanks. But if you look deeper, you'll find it was insulting. Oscar: Ah, no harm done. Wanda: I'll try harder. Oscar: Another good one. Davis: You had a fondue party, without me? Hank: No. No. Lacey: Oh, this is a great party, Karen. Hank: Yeah, I like fondue. It tastes a lot like cheese. Hank: No, Karen just made some for me, and for Lacey, and Fitzy, and this guy Ted I've never met before. Wanda: It was weird. Normally I can get him out of Corner Gas in a few seconds. But he just kept hangin' around. Lacey: Well, he is the owner. Wanda: Not Brent, Oscar. Lacey: Oh. That would be hard to take. Wanda: Maybe I'm losing my edge. Lacey: Are you kidding? You are as caustic as ever. Wanda: Oh, you're just saying that. Pam: I find you very abrasive. Wanda: Oh, shut up. Lacey: See? I wouldn't worry about it. It's probably just because Emma's being nice to Oscar, so he's in a good mood and takin' it out on you. It's not like it's a thing. Wanda: A thing? It better not be a thing. Lacey: It's not a thing. Oscar: There she is. You should have seen Wanda this mornin', zingin' me like crazy. Wanda: I wasn't zinging. I was attacking. Mean, hurtful attacks. I'm a jerk. Oscar: You're a firecracker. Lacey: Maybe it is a thing. Brent: Okay? And that is how you stack wiper fluid. The important thing is to not get intimidated by all the stuff that I know. Hey, pay attention. You're not gonna get ahead in life reading Report on Business. Now, stacking motor oil, that's a whole other bag of snakes. Wanda: Your Dad is officially nuts. Brent: Well, it's good to make it official. Oh, Wanda, this is Kyle. He's my shadow. Wanda: Nope. I've seen your shadow and it's bigger than that. Brent: Wanda's a little late this morning. And even though she's been late seven times this month, you can't sweat the details. Wanda: You're sweatin' somethin'. Yeah! Scorch, pow! Brent: It's give and take. You always want to let your employees voice their opinions no matter how immature they are. Wanda: Math class must be lookin' pretty good right now. Kyle: You're not kidding. Oscar: Oh, I saw Wanda today, at the gas station. Emma: Oh. I bet when you tell people that, they don't believe ya. Oscar: She's a good egg, eh? Emma: I guess so. Oscar: A real straight shooter. Emma: Sure. Oscar: A crackerjack. Emma: Do you have a crush on Wanda? Oscar: Ah, typical. I mention someone four times in a row and you suddenly think I have a crush on them. Emma: Oh, okay, I don't want to argue. Oscar: If I had a crush on her, I wouldn't be hangin' around here, would I? I'd be at the gas station. Emma: Isn't she off work now? Oscar: I don't know. She gave me the slip. Lacey: Okay. So it looks like you were only out $1.25 today. That's great. I mean it's not perfect. It's low, but it's still higher than zero. Pam: Okay, thanks. Brent: Man, you are a stickler for detail. And I don't use the word stickler very often, or ever. That was the first time, actually. Lacey: Look Brent, I am just trying to help Pam grow as a job shadow. Brent: I feel the same way about Kurt. Lacey: Kyle. Brent: Good kid. Lacey: You have no idea what he's doing, do you? Brent: I am very hands off. I believe in giving people the tools they need, then let them soar. Customer: I'm, I'm sorry. I can't seem to find my wallet. Kyle: Don't worry about it. Customer: Oh, thanks. Davis: So was the fondue party fun? Did it get crazy? Were people feeding each other bread? Hank: Look, what happens at fondue, stays at fondue. Davis: Hey, I'm good with that. Karen: Look, I'm sorry we didn't call you. Davis: So have you guys ever done a chocolate fondue? Because I think that could be real fun for the fondue group. Karen: It's not a group. Hank: I didn't, I didn't know there was chocolate fondue. Davis: Oh, yeah. There's chocolate, oil, broth, beer. See, I think I could bring quite a lot to the group. Karen: We're not a group. If we do it again, we'll call you. Davis: Great. When do you think that'll be? Hank: I just don't know, man. You, you can't force fondue. Karen: It's one thing we all agreed on at Fondue Group. Brent: I don't know about this Kyle kid. Hank: Well, I like him. I didn't have money for chips, so he just gave them to me for free. Brent: This is what I mean. The kid's got no work ethic. He's a slacker. Kyle: There you go. Brent: Thanks, Kyle. Kyle: You bet. Brent: Kyle? Kyle: Yeah, I meant to tell you. I've just always been more into the food service industry. So I thought job shadowing here would be a better fit. Brent: Now I don't have a job shadow. I'm job shadowless. I'm like a job vampire. Hank: I think I could be a good shadow. Brent: That makes one of us. Pam: I'll do it. Lacey: No, you stay. You're the good one. Sorry, no offence. Pam: I'd like to do it. Besides, she's a little high maintenance. Brent: Oh, you mean like a stickler? Lacey: Detail oriented. Brent: All right. Well, good, Pam. Come on, let's get started. Pam: Will there be stacking? I love to stack stuff. Brent: I like the cut of your jib. Pam: Well, there you go. And I topped up the windshield wiper fluid. Davis: Wow, that's great. You know, Brent's never done that. Pam: Never done what? Davis: Uh, never let his customers down. Brent: Good job, Pam. Emma: Oscar, your lunch is ready. I made your favourite, bologna wraps. Oscar? Wanda: Oh, Oscar, um, Paul called, from the bar, and said that the next three people to show up wearing green caps get free beer all day. Oscar: Uh? Wanda: Better hurry. Oscar: The bar's noisy. This is great. Wanda: It's grate-ing. Karen: So how's the new kid workin' out? Lacey: Oh, to be honest, he's kinda lame. No wonder Brent stuck me with him. Kyle: Hey. Lacey: Oh, boy. I wish I'd stop doing that. Kyle: Uh, I made some soup. Lacey: Oh. Well, that's, that's sweet. But generally I make the soup around here. I'm kinda known for it, so... Karen: That's good. And you made this? Kyle: Yeah. Lacey: In my kitchen, job shadowing me. So in a way, I, I made that soup. Kyle: I also do desserts. Karen: You're not lame at all. Kyle: Who said I was lame? Karen: Not Lacey. Emma: Okay, this has got to stop. Whatever you're saying to Oscar, you have him wrapped around your little finger. Wanda: I'm what? Emma: Just because you have little fingers doesn't mean you should use them. Wanda: I did everything but tell him to get lost. Then I told him to get lost, nine times. Oscar: Yeah. We're always jokin' around like that. Emma: What is this, some sort of midlife crisis? Wanda: Midlife? What? Is he going to live to be 140? Emma: I know we're not always affectionate, but this isn't the answer, no matter how many signals you think Wanda's sending you. Wanda: Subtle signals, like get lost? Emma: I'm not blaming you, Wanda. But I am warning you. Stop cutting my grass. Come on. I made bologna wraps. Oscar: I wanna hear Wanda say "Get lost" again. Emma: Now! Wanda: Emma, I don't know what you're talking about, especially the cutting your grass part. Davis: What are you doin'? Hank: I'm just, uh, droppin' this off for Emma. Davis: You're havin' a fondue party, aren't ya? Hank: No. No, she just wants to borrow it. She's havin' some kinda special lunch. Davis: A special lunch that involves fondue? Sounds like a fondue party to me. Hank: No, she's no party, just Emma and Oscar. Davis: I'll give you a lift if I can stay for the party. Brent: If you want to shake my Dad, just treat him badly. That's what Mom does. Wanda: I have been. I've been more Emma-y than Emma. Emma-y? Emma-ish? Pam: Maybe that's the problem. The more you're like Mrs. Leroy, the more Oscar's drawn to you. Wanda: So I should be less Emma-ish, Emma-esque. I should be the Anti-Emma, the Un-Emma. Brent: Enema? Jane: Can I get a fill up? Oh, that's okay. I'll wait for Pam. Oscar: There, I'm sittin'. Are ya happy now? Emma: Yes. And while I start dessert, you're gonna enjoy your romantic lunch, honey. Davis: This isn't a fondue party. Hank: I told you. Lacey: Let the fondue party begin. Karen: We brought Kyle. He's an expert. Lacey: A discovery we made while he was job shadowing me at The Ruby. So in a way I'm really making the fondue. Emma: Yeah, that's very sweet. But I want this to be about me and Oscar. Lacey: So, where is Oscar, anyway? Emma: Dammit! Another Customer: So this isn't even the right make? It's the last time I let Brent sell me an air filter. Pam: It's a mistake anyone well, someone could make. I hope that was okay. Brent: That was great, which is why I have to let you go. Pam: I don't understand. Brent: You've done a bang up job here. Because of that, people will expect a higher level of service. It's just settin' them up for disappointment. I can't do that to my customers. Pam: I kind of respect your commitment to mediocrity. Brent: If I can just get you to sign your termination slip? Pam: Oh, you, you didn't fill it out right. But it's okay, I'll do it. Brent: Great. If you need me, I'll be next door. Oscar: Hey. Wanda: Oh! Come on! I mean, listen, I'm sorry about earlier with Emma. Oscar: Oh, don't worry about her. She's off her rocker. Wanda: Well, yeah. But you don't deserve that, I mean someone as nice and as sweet as you. Oscar: What the hell are you talkin' about? Wanda: I'm just saying you're a great guy. In fact, I would like to buy you lunch. I hear Kyle makes a heck of a soup. Oscar: You're as loopy as Emma. Wanda: I'm just sayin' that you and I should soup it up sometime. You know what I mean? Soup, soup? Oscar: I'm outta here. Wanda: And thus ends the creepiest chapter of my life. Emma: Oh, Kyle, this chocolate fondue is amazing! Hank: Yeah, you can't even taste the cheese. Davis: Where are the rest of the skewers? Lacey: I guess there are only five. Davis: If you don't want me to be a part of Fondue Group, say so. Karen: No, we want you to stay. Hank: Fondue is about bringing people together. Davis: Okay. I guess I can just borrow someone else's. Lacey: You can't borrow someone else's. Karen: It's not practical. Emma: It's not sanitary. Hank: It's not fondue. Kyle: Oh, wait, I found an extra one. Here you go, Davis. Paramedic (Attendant): What happened? Davis: Sorry, I'd like to tell ya, but what happens at fondue stays at fondue. Paramedic: So, a fondue accident? Davis: Yeah. Francine (Kyle's Mom): Excuse me. Are you Lacey Burrows? Lacey: Yes. Kyle's Dad: Kyle is our son. Lacey: Oh, hi. Nice to meet you. Kyle has really come along, you know, under, under my guidance. Kyle's Dad: We know all about your guidance. Lacey: What? Francine: He was going to be a hockey player. Lacey: Oh. Kyle's Dad: Now he wants to be a chef. Kyle: But, Dad, I'm actually happy, for the first... Kyle's Dad: You, in the car. And you, stay away from my son. Francine: You're a bad person. Emma: Good job mentoring. Oscar: Yeah, career killer. What's the soup today? Lacey: Cream of Shut Up. Oscar: Oh, that was a good one, Lacey. Emma: Don't even start! Category:Transcripts